The Secret Beauty Regimen for Your Best Self

I don’t know about you, but personally I have tried many, many things that I thought would make me feel “beautiful.” I have done many things which range from coloring my hair, to straightening it, curling it, using different serums on my skin, lotions, hair extensions, eyelash extensions, contouring, tanning, foundation, blush, shimmer, highlighting. You get the idea. If you are a normal person living in the first world, chances are you have dabbled in some or all of these as well. We live in a world which is constructed for us- from a very young age we grow to admire celebrities and people who spend hundreds of thousands of dollars (and sometimes much more) to simply look beautiful. We see extreme examples of where women go to great lengths to look like a body type they are not by getting plastic surgery, wearing corsets, getting injections etc. Now I am certainly not judging those people- I am simply pointing out the great lengths, pain, and vanity we all go through in order to make ourselves look and feel physically beautiful; some more than others.

Once night, recently, I was having trouble sleeping. So I started scrolling through different videos on Facebook. Once one video ended, another would start automatically without my choosing. Then, the rabbit hole of beauty products, demonstrations and consults began. I started watching one by one as different women, men and children started “selling” different things on Facebook Live feeds. It was like walking into an undercover infomercial. Of course I knew that these people were selling something even if they weren’t outwardly saying it; others were holding live auctions of clothes, makeup, jewelry, and even… wait for it… Pearl Parties!

Even though all of these categories were all separate, the common denominator of all these things was very much alike: If you buy/use ________, then you will feel _______.

Think about it for a second, because this can pretty much apply to anything. If you use this eyelash serum, you will feel beautiful. If you wear these clothes, you will be your best self. If you do your makeup this way, then you will feel confident. I’m sure we can all agree that this is true to an extent; that we have all been there, felt those feelings while pulling out our credit cards to make a purchase. The truth is none of these things are inherently bad. But if we rely solely on physical appearance and possessions, what exactly happens when we don’t have those things anymore? What happens when your physical beauty fades? What happens if you don’t have those clothes or products in your possession? What if your money or your job to provide your money was gone? You are simply left with yourself and your thoughts

Without all of these physical things, how do you still feel beautiful, confident, secure in who you are? Well you don’t- not right away. You have to get to the very core of who you are,  and search. Rely on something bigger than you- your higher power- to know that you were created just the way you were with NO mistakes. The same creator who made the entire universe also decided that you were needed. Every step you have made, every mistake, every blemish and every decision was pre-planned. Yes, YOU were created to be exactly you, just as you are. You with your height, your weight, your personality, sense of humor, loves, desires, moods, conditions, and accomplishments. None of those variables were made by mistake. The only variable that can really change within you is your desire and your drive to be internally beautiful. If you make that choice, intentionally, every single day then you really ARE BEAUTIFUL! Please don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Whether you have accomplished a lot or a little, one of the biggest personal battles you can win in this life is loving YOU for who you are, with all of your perceived flaws and imperfections. If you have truly found peace with your own beauty, regardless of how the outside world views you, then you, my friend, have accomplished more than many people, past, present or future.

Share this with someone who needs to hear this message today!

The Best Beauty Regimen You’ve Never Considered

I don’t know about you, but personally I have tried many, many things that I thought would make me look (and feel) “beautiful.”

I have colored my hair, straightened it, curled it, gotten a Brazilian Blowout. I have used different serums on my skin, many lotions, hair extensions, eyelash extensions, contouring, tanning, foundation, blush, shimmer, highlighting. You get the idea.

If you are a normal person living in the first world, chances are you have dabbled in some or all of these as well. We live in a world which is constructed for us; from a very young age we grow to admire celebrities and people who spend hundreds of thousands of dollars (and sometimes much more) to simply look beautiful. We see extreme examples of where women go to great lengths to have a certain body type (that they were NOT born with) by getting plastic surgery, wearing corsets, getting injections etc.

Disclaimer: I am certainly not judging those people- I am simply pointing out the great lengths, pain, and vanity we all go through in our society, in order to make ourselves look and feel physically beautiful; some more than others.

Once night, recently, I was having trouble sleeping. So I started scrolling through different videos on Facebook. Once one video ended, another would start automatically without my choosing. Then, the rabbit hole of beauty products, demonstrations and consultations began. I started watching one by one as different women, men and children started “selling” different things on Facebook Live feeds. It was like walking into an undercover infomercial. Of course I knew that these people were selling something even if they weren’t outwardly saying it; others were holding live auctions of clothes, makeup, jewelry, and even… wait for it… Pearl Parties!

Even though all of these categories were all separate, the common denominator of all these things was very much alike: If you buy/use ________, then you will feel _______.

Think about it for a second, because this can pretty much apply to anything. If you use this eyelash serum, you will feel beautiful. If you wear these clothes, you will be your best self. If you do your makeup this way, then you will find a spouse or get a good job. I’m sure we can all agree that this is true to an extent; that we have all been there, felt those feelings while pulling out our credit cards to make a purchase.

The truth is none of these things are inherently “bad,” and life is not that black and white. But if we rely solely on physical appearance and possessions, what exactly happens when we don’t have those things anymore? What happens when your physical beauty fades? What happens if you don’t have those clothes or products in your possession? What if your money or your job to provide your money was gone? What if your fame or popularity evaded you?

If all the things in your life that made you feel good went away, then You would simply be left with yourself, your thoughts and your character.

Without all of the physical things/possessions, how do you still feel beautiful, confident, secure in who you are? Well you don’t. At least not right away.

You have to get to the very core of who you are,  and search. You have to rely on something bigger than you- your higher power- to know that you were created just the way you were with NO mistakes. The same creator who made the entire universe also decided that you were needed. Every step you have made, every mistake, every blemish and every decision was pre-planned.

Yes, YOU were created to be exactly you, just as you are.

You with your height, your weight, your personality, sense of humor, loves, desires, moods, conditions, and accomplishments. None of those variables were made by mistake. The only variable that can really change within you is your desire and your drive to be internally beautiful.

If you make that choice, intentionally, every single day then you really ARE BEAUTIFUL! Please don’t ever let anyone tell you otherwise. Whether you have accomplished a lot or a little, one of the biggest personal battles you can win in this life is loving YOU for who you are, with all of your perceived flaws and imperfections. If you have truly found peace with your own beauty, regardless of how the outside world views you, then you, my friend, have accomplished more than many people, past, present or future.

Share this with someone who needs to hear this message today!

3 Steps to Taking Back Control

Most of my inspiration comes from observing my son. He is small (14 months) and not yet fully developed, so he struggles sometimes with daily activities; it’s so funny to think about how the struggles of a little one are not much different from the struggles of an adult. While their struggles may seem more rudimentary in nature (and almost always are) the basis for which adults struggle is almost always the same.

Today I found myself thinking back to last Tuesday morning, when I watched my son using a fake remote control to try to change the channels on the tv. I chuckled to myself about how he thought he was in control of the tv, but really it was just an illusion. I thought to myself, “is this often how I feel? In control but really not in control?” The answer was: yes! We all go through this process: Trying to control something which we are powerless over yet we fail to recognize it.   

How often do you find yourself trying to find that perfect job? Or trying to make someone like you? Trying to change or fix someone who doesn’t want to change?

I used to find myself doing this [more] often. I would find myself in situations where I thought I had control and would work myself into stress and anxiety trying to obtain the outcome which I wanted. The truth is this: we are not fully in control of the majority of things in our life. Many believe that there are bigger things at play: The universe, a higher power, God.

But all of that is not to say that we cannot control anything. We have a choice of the actions we take, the words which we choose and the situations we put ourselves in. But for those things which are mostly out of our control, we do have some influence over our reaction to those things.

Not following? Let me provide you an example.

Example: You take a job with a large company, and you do your best to meet your performance expectations and show up to work consistently. Several years later, the company lays off employees based on tenure with the company. Although you are probably better at your job than some of your more tenured peers, you are selected for the layoff and you lose your job. In this case, the layoff was out of your control. But your reaction or the way you respond to this is not out of your control.

Here are 3 Steps To Taking Back Control:

Step 1: Accepting that we do not have full control over life.

In our example, it is easy to feel down on yourself. Especially if you have worked very hard to get where you were in your life, or if you are a provider for your family. Instead of simply reacting with your first instinctual response, first, you must accept that you did not have control over this event in your life. No matter what you did differently, in the above example you were still the newest person and unfortunately the decision of a large company put you into this place. Once you spend some time thinking on the situation, and acknowledge that you did not have control over this circumstance, you can move on to Step 2.

Step 2: Process Before Acting.

Before going on a 2-day bender, or laying in bed for a month, try to process (talk about) the situation.  Processing about a situation takes away its power over you. Sometimes when we tend to stuff our feelings (primary emotions), and our secondary response (secondary emotions) to those feelings can come out [example: you can feel sadness which is a primary emotion, but if you don’t express the sadness you can express it outwardly with anger which is a secondary emotion].  You can process the situation with a close family member, spouse, friend or even a therapist if you have one! By accepting that you did not and do not have control over the situation in Step 1, and talking about the situation in Step 2, you can then adjust your actions moving forward by focusing on the things which you do have control over.

Step 3: Shift Your Perspective

Now that you have followed Steps 1 & 2, you have not only taken the power out of the looming issue at hand by talking about it, but you have also acknowledged that it is out of your control. You can now feel free to shift your perspective (in the therapy world they call this a “re-frame” of the situation). During this step, you can make a choice to look at the situation differently. Before, you may have thought that it was the end of the world, or maybe you would have scrambled to find a way to control the situation above; your efforts would have proven fruitless. Knowing all of this, your shift in perspective should come easy!

No matter the situation, there is always a different way of looking at things. By following these steps, you can be sure that your contemplative efforts are sure to provide some relief to your feeling of lost control. By shifting your perspective and seeing your circumstances for what they are rather than a raw, emotional reaction, you can take back control of your thoughts and feelings!

Enjoy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Disclaimer: I am not a therapist. I am simply providing my own perspective and sharing what has worked for me. If you feel that you are in a situation which requires the support of a therapist or doctor, please search for resources local to you; if it is life-threatening, call your local emergency number.